This Morning

When I opened my eyes it honestly felt more like a relief than anything else. For hours I had felt as though I was just faking it. For hours like I was desperately trying to just keep my eyelids pushed together rather than actually sleeping. It took me a few minutes to focus and have my eyes adjust to the darkness. My mind wondered why my room was so dark still. Surely I had been sleeping long enough. The beaming red light shined from behind me telling me that it was only 5:27 AM.

5:30 in the morning? I am never awake at 5:30. Even when I catch a 6 am flight I am still not really awake. Maybe half awake but as soon as I hit the sits in the plane I tend to sleep again. Point being that 5:30 am is not a time I am usually aware exists.

I decide I should read or do something productive. I reach behind my head and grab my bible. My thoughts are all over the place and my attention is not being kept. I decide instead to first check email. I mean it’s been almost 6 hours since the last time I checked for mail. I reach once again behind me and grab my phone. It’s a struggle because it’s still plugged in to the charger over night. I’m annoyed and frustrated as I yank at the phone and the cord and separate the two.

I retrieve the phone finally and turn it on. I pull up the email and have 3 new messages. Only 1 of which is a real message. I wonder when the message was sent and read it aloud just to hear my own voice which is not working well. It is after all only 5:30 in the morning. After looking through emails and deleting the nonsense that I get all the time, I take to writing an email. I just feel like if I’m up, then someone else must be too. I email a friend a deep and holy email. Consisting of 6 sentences that are about changes in life that affect our Christian walks. I’m not entirely sure of what I’m writing because it is now only 6 in the morning. Following the email I close the browser and begin to play brick breaker on my phone. After dying in two games in less than 5 minutes I realize that reactions in early morning are a bit slow. So I give up and take up the reading I intended to do nearly 40 minutes earlier.

Nearing 7 am I notice that I’m blinking so much that I’m missing every other word and am very confused by what I’m trying to read. I decide I could probably go back to sleep now so I close the book and toss it behind me. But before I do I figure I should feed my addiction one last time. No new emails. Oh well. Back to sleep.

8:30 rolls around and the light in my room wakes me again. Should I get up? No. I should once again look for a response to my deep and holy email from earlier. Not only do I have a response but I also have other emails. Life is grand. I read the response, “That sounds so exciting, it is good to know your spiritual life will never be dormant.” That makes me smile. I wasn’t sure my email I’d sent made sense but the response seemed that it did. I look at other emails. Including one about rides for a retreat that I remember I need to pack for. As I open a third email I notice that my eyes are so tired and I am blinking uncontrollably. I think, “Man what is the deal?” Then I remember, oh yeah I woke up at 5:27 AM.